This has been something I've been thinking about a lot in my adult life, morbid as it sounds. Even more so with the War in Iraq and that deadly SARS disease that has yet no cure, and my dad in hospital [jonathanpoh.com].

I've given it much thought and have managed to convince myself that death in itself is not the end, but rather a continuation of a journey. Don't ask me which religion or spiritual belief that stems from but that's the way I feel.

I've always wondered what it's like to be dead, or perhaps, never born. Imagining a given situation i'm in at the current moment, be it at a mamak chatting with friends, or shopping, or at work, what if i were to die on the spot, or if i had died a few days ago. Would I be missed? What would be the reaction of the people around me? What would they talk about? Would they say anything about me? I'd play those back in my mind while existing and living my current life. Maybe what if I never existed.. how would certain events play out without my intervention. Will there be another person in my place to set the same events in motion, or would it just not happen? Morbid, I know. Scary, very. Even to myself.

Yet it hardly prepares me for the possible loss of someone close. Death is always something that happens to someone else. Some distant uncle, or your best friends grandmother or some celebrity thousands of km away. Not really wanting to sound pessimistic, but what can you do when you hear words like "operation", "high-risk" and "mortality" in the same sentence. I'm sure my dad will get better in time but it's still a bit of a shocker and makes you think about certain things.