Expect the Worst, Hope for the Best
Here I am in my parents' bedroom. Mom is feeding dad some rice porridge. He's feeling hot inside, and the palliative care nurse who was here a while ago says it's the pyrogenic (heat-producing) cancer cells, because earlier today dad was telling me he felt like he had a fever, but when I took his temperature, it was normal.After a long day of traveling yesterday, I got back home at half-past nine at night. My father was almost in tears and mumbling something which I barely made out as "I'm so happy to see you". I was quite shocked to see how much he has deteriorated since I last saw him, merely 3 months ago. He has lost so much body mass, he looks like a skeleton now. It's quite distressing seeing him like this. I've never imagined I'd have to see this happen this early in my life. Still, the inevitable is staring me right in the face. I'm still feeling confusion inside as to how I'm handling the situation. My emotions are just all mixed up. I think I made the right decision, and the right time, to come back home now. We can't even speculate how much longer he might survive but he needs to see us, the whole family together. I thank all our friends all around the world who are lending us their support and prayers, and the angels watching over my family as we go through this tough time.